The Butterfly Effect

I’ve always been very competitive; I’ve always been very competitive with myself.

I remember as a kid, the last thing I used to tell myself before I went to sleep was that today I know more than yesterday; tomorrow I will know more than today.

It’s an obsession.

Not only with regards to how much knowledge I have attained but also to other aspects pertaining to my life.

Sometimes I look at the mirror and wonder. If I had chosen a different path in life what would the reflection show?

Would I look slimmer, fatter, prettier, or more repulsive?

Would I be smarter, stupider, kinder or more selfish?

Would I have more friends, less friends. Would I have made different friends? What kind of friends?

Would I have more memories or more regrets?

There’s a thing called 'the butterfly effect' – there's also a movie illustrating this concept. It’s about how a small thing – a flutter of the butterfly’s wing(s) can make a whole impact to the entire world.



Sometimes I wonder. If things happened differently how would I be?If I had made a different choice, how different would I be?  How have I impacted others? Were they better or worse? Are they currently better or worse? Will they be better or worse?
Or am I simply over-thinking?

Why does a series of small events make such a great difference?

When I look at the mirror I wonder what kind of person I can become. How far away from my best version of myself I currently am. Of course, I don’t think I can ever truly be the best version of myself – it would always be fluctuating. Can I one day function at around my highest peak? If so, will I fall down to my lowest peak instantaneously or will I manage to be balanced somehow? How do I know if I’m functioning at my highest peak?

Somehow related to the previous paragraph is that throughout the years I’ve read a lot. I've also forgotten a lot. It’s really depressing. It’s like I can spend an eternity reading but I’ll only remember a tiny fraction of what I’ve read. I don’t know how to increase my memory storage to have a better memory storage than yesterday. It’s frustrating.

However, I do want to do something with the little knowledge that I retain. I want to try to develop it in my own flavour. I want it to help me become the best version of myself to make a butterfly effect.


How about you?

What kind of butterfly effect do you want to make?





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