Mirrors

I think mirrors are a curse and a blessing, each existing at the same time yet separately. 

Although you own your face, you never see it. The thing is that it is one of the first aspects people notice and form their impressions upon (some, illogically). In truth, you have never really seen your face - save from the reflection of a mirror. Mirrors show you your face but it doesn’t always feel like your face. Sometimes the face looks strange; as if the face staring back at you is a complete stranger. Personally, I keep forgetting how my face looks like. I can remember other people’s faces but never my own so I have to keep looking at mirrors to remember. Lately I’ve also got in the habit for looking for blemishes – amongst them, wrinkles and wondering how I will look like in a few years time. Joy.

In Kenya there were days I never looked at a mirror because well, there weren’t any. It felt unnatural and as if I were missing out from something. My face had become completely forgotten by me and I was concerned that the next time I looked in the mirror I would look very different.

Perhaps it was a good thing that there were no mirrors.  It was the time to forget myself and give myself to others. It’s not easy and I don’t think I will ever master it, but it was definitely eye-opening and rewarding in itself.

Not all people in Africa have mirrors (some have no food or roof over their heads let alone mirrors) but even their water is murky - thus I presume some have never seen their faces. As I experienced a lot of selflessness, would it be too extreme to suggest that mirrors make us a little self-centred? This is because when you don’t look at mirrors you ‘forget’ yourself a little and all that you can see are the people you are surrounded with. There is no time or opportunity for vanity. Your face does not really exist to yourself; it becomes faceless.

Parallel to the metaphor of the mirror, I had no time to get lost in thought in Kenya. Life was hectic – trying to adjust to a routine, meeting new people, going different places - I barely had any time to breathe! Sometimes I even lost my sense of self.

Now as I have arrived back to my homeland I have spent some time staring at mirrors and well, an inordinate amount of time alone with my thoughts wondering if I look different from the outside and more importantly, different from the inside.

Maybe time will tell but then again, time will change the ‘me’ inside and outside me. So maybe time will not tell - at all. Or just a bit.