JustSayIt

Early: I am scared. Whom will I become? What shall I remember? Whom shall I forget? Middle: I am confused Who am I? Where am I? Who are these strange people? What am I doing here? Late: "She is lost."

There comes a moment in life when your world suddenly makes sense. When you can suddenly breathe in, savour  the colours, embrace your senses and sing a little too. The inertia which would have engulfed your days, months, years, nearly eternity finally stand still in a moment. The past finally dissolves to a new understanding, to clarity from the mist and ultimately to a whole new meaning in life. All in a moment. Mine was when I understood ‘paradox’ in my life. I have had well – a very paradoxical life with its complexities. To play it safe read: love learning hate studying. Sounds familiar? There are other examples which probably ring true to you too: “The more connected we get, the more isolated we feel.” (Think internet) Or: ” The only certainty is that nothing is ever certain.” (*soundtrack of Sound of Music* What will tomorrow bring? I wonder..). Then there are the cruel ones that tear at the heartstrings until the strings rip a...

Imagine waking up on a filthy, uneven floor -  light coming solely through the flimsy wooden wall. Imagine trudging through the mud barefoot -  mud merged with remnants of God knows who. Imagine breathing in thick layers of sooty dust - the colors sullen, lifeless and dull. Imagine smelling the scent of faeces and decay,  of diseases and of death every single day. Imagine your belly gurgling with hunger and distraught,  sniffing glue - the only way to delude. Imagine walking on rickety bridges - a step amiss and drown you will in these murky watery ditches.  Imagine wearing the same old rags - all tattered and torn,  being beaten and battered, no rights of which to call your own.  Imagine having silly daydreams of going to school but there's not a penny to spare - not even for a worn-out book. But alas, imagine no more for such children exist, with ghosts clouding their starry dreams And death hanging heavy upon their tin...

I've realised I've been sucked up in a whirlpool. I've been sucked up in routines and I’m drowning – but not yet, not quite. I've been slacking a little (so much for making the most of each day - what a joke) my brain doesn't feel fresh anymore. It feels as if it's rotting; decomposing. Please brain please stop feeling dull... Also please stop feeling emotionally drained. I work with children. Despite the ups and downs I absolutely love them. I absolutely love the vibes children send off – their innocence and their curiosity, their merry laughter and their playfulness. I feel that I can forget all of my woes, and that somehow I’m a child again. In all honesty, I still consider myself a child at times and I  don't want to ever grow up. I want to be the female version of Peter Pan. Still looking for my own Neverland however. Help? Enough rambling. But yes, I need to somehow sort out my life, my mind, my room and my files (not the fli...

I have lived a thousand lives; travelled to every corner of the world; spoken all the languages while locked in the Tower of Babel; been a fairy, dancer, singer, soldier - you name it … all through the power of music. Music is not solely a universal language –  eliciting emotions of which we never knew, images of faraway places, and ideas remembered but promptly forgotten. It is also the only medium which makes sense when words fail; the one medium who understands when no one else does; the one who keeps connecting people through time, space and hue. It is in its true sense, the very essence of the transcendent. We only have to listen. Listen to a song (ideally classical music) on a loop. Sleep and wake up to the same piece of music and don't get out of bed until you get its ‘feel’ - be it an emotion, an image, a thought process or a story. Let your imagination run rampant and unleash the playground which is thus born exploding inside the crevices of your mind. I be...

Have you ever watched the movie ‘Black’? You should. This biopic revolves around a girl, Helen Keller, who was blind, and deaf. She wasn't even taught any basic etiquette like eating with a fork because it was assumed that it would be in vain and thus, was rendered animalistic. However, a teacher comes to her life and gives her a hell of a time. Why? Because he believed that she has potential. Her world turned upside down when the teacher helped her to make the first association with the word ‘water’ to its sensation. Her world became bright and colourful, and no longer shrouded in darkness and meaningless. She learnt all that she needed to know, and expressed herself in HER way but her message came across clearly. She also received a degree at a university (after failing for a number of years but never giving up). I’m sure her parents may have perceived this transformation a miracle. But it’s not. You know why? Because her potential always existed – it was simply never questi...

No, not even the riches of the world will ever bestow you with true freedom. Personally I feel that I am not free – at all. I mean I felt the urge to justify myself after reading some of what I've written so far because well, I think I may have sounded like a pretentious ass, bigoted and narcissistic and I don’t like it. I’m not sure if I really am that kind of person and more importantly, how wise it is that I am sharing all of this to strangers. But to me you are not only strangers but imaginary friends - heroes and heroines, animals and magical creatures as well as villains -  who only exist while I'm writing. Thing is, I feel compelled to express myself despite my paranoia. Truth be told, I should not be feeling this way. I should not be feeling like a caged bird, whose wings have been clipped off and who is ignorant to whether or not it is on its own since it’s surrounded by a heavy, ominous darkness. Everything is dark and bleak but for its voice which breaks ...