JustSayIt

I have lived a thousand lives; travelled to every corner of the world; spoken all the languages while locked in the Tower of Babel; been a fairy, dancer, singer, soldier - you name it … all through the power of music. Music is not solely a universal language –  eliciting emotions of which we never knew, images of faraway places, and ideas remembered but promptly forgotten. It is also the only medium which makes sense when words fail; the one medium who understands when no one else does; the one who keeps connecting people through time, space and hue. It is in its true sense, the very essence of the transcendent. We only have to listen. Listen to a song (ideally classical music) on a loop. Sleep and wake up to the same piece of music and don't get out of bed until you get its ‘feel’ - be it an emotion, an image, a thought process or a story. Let your imagination run rampant and unleash the playground which is thus born exploding inside the crevices of your mind. I be...

Have you ever watched the movie ‘Black’? You should. This biopic revolves around a girl, Helen Keller, who was blind, and deaf. She wasn't even taught any basic etiquette like eating with a fork because it was assumed that it would be in vain and thus, was rendered animalistic. However, a teacher comes to her life and gives her a hell of a time. Why? Because he believed that she has potential. Her world turned upside down when the teacher helped her to make the first association with the word ‘water’ to its sensation. Her world became bright and colourful, and no longer shrouded in darkness and meaningless. She learnt all that she needed to know, and expressed herself in HER way but her message came across clearly. She also received a degree at a university (after failing for a number of years but never giving up). I’m sure her parents may have perceived this transformation a miracle. But it’s not. You know why? Because her potential always existed – it was simply never questi...

No, not even the riches of the world will ever bestow you with true freedom. Personally I feel that I am not free – at all. I mean I felt the urge to justify myself after reading some of what I've written so far because well, I think I may have sounded like a pretentious ass, bigoted and narcissistic and I don’t like it. I’m not sure if I really am that kind of person and more importantly, how wise it is that I am sharing all of this to strangers. But to me you are not only strangers but imaginary friends - heroes and heroines, animals and magical creatures as well as villains -  who only exist while I'm writing. Thing is, I feel compelled to express myself despite my paranoia. Truth be told, I should not be feeling this way. I should not be feeling like a caged bird, whose wings have been clipped off and who is ignorant to whether or not it is on its own since it’s surrounded by a heavy, ominous darkness. Everything is dark and bleak but for its voice which breaks ...

I want to be surrounded by nature till eternity and a day beyond. Nature is a magical place I can retreat to. It’s quiet and beckons for silence. It asks only to be appreciated. It’s calming. It's comforting. I love being near the sea in the dead of the night, a gentle breeze to lift my spirit up and cliffs to make me feel safe and sheltered with a backdrop of silent lightning – for some dramatic effect. I love the sheer silence of it all. I love looking at the young, old moon – God’s eye and the gazillion freckled stars shining like teardrops on a faceless face. I love looking at its magestic stillness. A masterpiece of moving art. Mere perfection. In the midst of nature is the only time I feel that time ceases to exist. It is unnecessary. Time in nature is finite and infinite. It has been there long enough and it will be there long enough - more so than me. I only exist for a couple of milliseconds in comparison to nature’s seemingly infinite life. To me ...

I’ve always been very competitive; I’ve always been very competitive with myself. I remember as a kid, the last thing I used to tell myself before I went to sleep was that today I know more than yesterday; tomorrow I will know more than today. It’s an obsession. Not only with regards to how much knowledge I have attained but also to other aspects pertaining to my life. Sometimes I look at the mirror and wonder. If I had chosen a different path in life what would the reflection show? Would I look slimmer, fatter, prettier, or more repulsive? Would I be smarter, stupider, kinder or more selfish? Would I have more friends, less friends. Would I have made different friends? What kind of friends? Would I have more memories or more regrets? There’s a thing called 'the butterfly effect' – there's also a movie illustrating this concept. It’s about how a small thing – a flutter of the butterfly’s wing(s) can make a whole impact to the entire worl...

I hate routines.. I hate them with such passion. I keep telling myself to get into habits – any. But I won’t. I hate it. Unless I am emotionally involved in something I’m not going to do it. I hate it. I’m scared. I’m scared I’ll fall into a routine again as I keep doing for years and years on end. I do terribly. I’m trying to be organised for the first time in my life. It feels great! I’ve never been organised! I felt a mess and it showed. I’m panicking. I’m panicking that I will get into a routine and won’t be able to get out of it; that I will be oblivious to what is going on around me and it scares the hell out of me. I’m worried. I’m worried that I’ll do my very best but it still won’t be enough. I keep wondering what different people in my position would do differently. What is good or bad. Or rather I should think in the ‘grey’ area – whatever that means. What ideas would they have different than me. Why won’t these ideas occur to me! Why ...

Today I’m happy. Ecstatic. Or as they used to say, ‘over the moon’. And rightly so. Why? Because I’ve finally figured out my ideal career and I can’t believe I hadn’t thought about it any soon. It’s the kind of career of which I don’t have to worry about any flaw. I can even lose weight. I will never again have to worry about my hair, or  blemished skin, my thighs, the heat, or wearing anything on my feet. I don’t have to worry about being too this or being too that or that I’m growing too this and growing too that. All I have to do is - Swim. Yes, you've guessed correctly. I want to become a mermaid. And not just any Ariel! I want to swim to the depths of the ocean, with sea horses, colourful fish and tame sharks. Swim to the sunrise and sunset with a school of merry dolphins beneath a starry sky. Feel the rain splashing my already soaked hair and dye it too. Have a beautiful sea green tail and wear sea shells in my hair. Scare people away with my long, sharp nails and ...